the list that never got made- part 2

...the second part of the story began with tears, good ones, that is...

she's a little camera shy

The confetti was pink.  It was festive and exciting and beautiful.  And pink.  For the last three months I told everyone it was a boy, I just knew that it was.  Chinese calendar said boy.  I am apparently carrying low, which usually means boy.  My husband has only male cousins on the paternal side of his family, which means strong genes for a boy.  I had two brothers so spent as much time playing sports and burying G.I. Joes in the backyard as anything else growing up, so I was ready for a boy.  I believed, one hundred percent, it was a boy. 

And then just a moment before Emily opened the box of confetti to pour over us, I thought, “wait a second, it could be girl!”  And then we held hands and looked up to a shower of pink.  Our little blessing, precious Harper.  Second only to being announced as Mrs. Alex Blackburn, this was the sweetest moment I've ever been blessed with.

And now Harper is on some part of my mind all day, every day.  My heart could run in circles around all of the things I cannot wait for, and all the things that scare me to death for hours.  It is times like this that I am especially thankful for the gospel, for a power and a strength that is made perfect in my weakness.  I know I will never be enough on my own for Harper, but Jesus will.  And it is in that place of gratitude I want to stay forever...

Dear Harper,

It is amazing how quickly you burrowed into our hearts.  Less than four months ago we did not even know you were coming, and now we cannot imagine our lives without you.  I want you to know, sweet Harper, that even though there is so much we don’t have yet that we want to give you, your daddy and I are ready for you, because we have so much love, and it is going to cover you in hugs and kisses and cuddles.  Making and checking off a hundred lists could not prepare us for you more than feeling you move, seeing your heart beating strong, and now, knowing your name.

I don’t know how to be a mom yet, Harper, but I promise to be a quick learner.  I’ll listen to your cries and learn what they mean.  I'll watch your expressions and learn what makes you smile.  And as you get older, I learn what food you’ll eat and what food you’ll spit out on me.  I’ll pay attention to your favorite books, your favorite colors, your favorite toys, and your favorite hobbies and I’ll encourage you to be creative as you explore those things.  When you are a student, I’ll do all I can to help you learn.  When you are a teenager, I’ll hear your stories about the boys that will break your young heart.  We will probably fight and I will need your forgiveness, and I will be quick to ask for it.  I can promise you I will be worried sick about you when you are old enough for a curfew, even if you are just around the corner, but your daddy (who will also be worried but he will hide it better than me) will remind me to relax and remember that you have a God who is a protector much more capable than us.  

We will have really hard days together, Harper.  Maybe your Dad and I will have a fight and you will see it, or we can’t afford the shoes you really want, or you will get sick and there is nothing I can do about it but let you lay in my lap while I run my fingers through your hair.  But we will have really, really great days, too.  We’ll bury daddy in the sand, go to the zoo to learn about animals, make pancakes on Saturday mornings, and we’ll paint our nails pinks and purples or blues and greens.  And we’ll pray together, Harper, because we have so much to be thankful for… always.

I promise you that daddy and I will always love each other, and that together we will put your needs before our own.  I can’t wait to introduce you to so many people who love you and will always be there for you—in fact, it is because of the beautiful body of Christ that I know we’ll be ok.  And Harper, our amazing blessing of a little girl, I cannot wait to tell you about Jesus, because He is the best.

So keep growing, keep kicking and practicing your summersaults in there, and in the meantime we will keep praying for you and anxiously awaiting the day we get to meet you. 

More than words, we love you Harper.