answered prayers

Wow. Another year, just like that, has come and gone. Am I the only one who always feels like time truly does fly by? Thinking about life in terms of time, measured in minutes, days, weeks, months, and years, I am reminded that our lives really are just a glimpse, a small breath in the beginning and the end of God's time.

And yet, everything we choose to do with our lives, with our time, matters in a really big way.

I am big fan of New Year's Day, because I have always loved the concept of starting over. Who doesn't like a clean slate, a new chance, a re-do; in fact, who doesn't honestly need one of those in their lives? I have lots of new things I want to do in the new year. My friend Emily and I are determined to start doing yoga and stop eating too much sugar; my friend Kristin and I are going to keep pursuing our book writing dream; I want to stay in better touch with more people; I'd like to start a really great Bible study for women who are looking for encouragement and challenge from one another; I'd like to be a much better steward of my finances; my Spanish needs some big-time refining; and I want to finally finish reading Les Miserables. There are a lot of new things I want to do in the new year, and I get excited about looking forward to all of them.

But recently, I've been thinking about "looking forward" in a new way. What if we planned for the future by looking at the past? What if all of our new goals were laid with the foundation of God's already answered prayer- things we may not have even realized he was orchestrating at the time? Allow me to share my personal list of answered prayer:

- Prayers for protection (Pslam 91 and 121): Whether it was through a strong conviction, a friend standing up for me and reminding me of something I could not see, a phone call changing the schedule, or a word of wisdom from a loving mentor, God has kept me from physical and emotional harm in so many ways- more than I can list and probably more than I even realize. If I had made all the decisions I wanted to make on my own, I would not be right where I am today. God has intervened for me, and I believe He will continue to- because He promises to protect us.

- Prayers for healing: So many people prayed for healing for my knee, and although it took ten surgeries, a year off of school, donor implants, screws, re-alignments, and lots of time on my back- today I walk with no pain and can crawl on the ground with an adorable little girl named Lucy and get excited about the prospect of playing with my own kids someday! None of that healing unfolded as quickly as I thought I wanted, and it was a lot more physical pain than I would have asked to endure- but as I look back I don't remember anything other than how good God was to do it all!

- Prayers for the right man: Writing how God answered prayers with Alex is another blog entry entirely- but he was the most amazingly unexpected gift I have ever received. I was 24 years old and thinking "I'm ready to meet him any day now, God..." but I realize now that God was preparing Alex and I both as individuals for each other, and we could not have met a day earlier than we did for us to work.

-Prayers for finances: No matter how hard things have gotten, God has always provided in the area of finances. A $50.00 refund from grad school I had no idea was coming; the opportunity to house-sit when I had no job; a little more than expected on the tax return; amazingly perfect job opportunities that will help pay for things I had no clue how I was going to pay for... I have found the more I trust God with a little leap of faith, the more He shows up.

-Prayers for friends: There are people in my life who I have been praying that God gets a hold of their life for so long, and it seems like I see hope for that all the time! I have friends who are asking questions; who are running in to dead ends and saying "This can't be all there is to life"; people who are finding a reason to believe in the God of the universe that they never had before. And I am reminded as these things happen that God wants his children to return to Him even more than I do, which gives me a new and greater motivation to pray relentlessly for them.

I have prayed for a million things in a million ways and God has always taken care of the details- because He promises to answer our prayers, in the way He knows is best to answer them. Not always in our timing, and not always in the most obvious ways, but ALWAYS.

So as I plan for a new year and look forward at all that is exciting, all that is unknown, and all that scares me, I want to remember all the answered prayers. I want to look back at each and every time God has showed up to remind me that He will always show up. I want the history of His presence in my life to be the security that He will never leave. I want my new year to be grounded in all of my other years walking with the Lord. I want all of the changes I hope to make be centered around the only One who never changes.

As you think about life and all that you face in the coming year, write down every way God has already taken care of you, then share it with someone.

And at the end of this next year, I hope you are able to look back at another year that God showed up. I hope you see that everything you do and how you spend your time really matters, that every goal you set can be one that honors the Lord and gives Him another chance to be big and mighty in your life. Because He is.

my growing up Christmas list

You know those things that make you feel warmer, make your thoughts deeper, and compel you to turn on a feel-good movie? These are life’s little treasures that slow down the pace and allow memories to be constructed right in front you in a way that makes each laugh, each smile, each hug a still frame in a living photo book. I love those things. Fireplaces, Norah Jones, hot tea, fleece blankets, and home cooked meals are just a few of my treasures. 

But perhaps my most valued treasure is this Christmas season. This week of late December that drips icicles, hovers warm wishes, and reactivates memories as joyous and tangible as the gifts wrapped under the tree.

 Austin and I arrived at 1707 Kennsington Lane this past Friday evening. We scooped up our bags, and shivered our way out of the van, up the front stoop, and into the house. Cozy familiarity instantly rushed over me as I was squeezed by each member of my family. Trayser’s give good hugs. Is there anything better? You know the kind…the ones that make you a tad short of breath because arms are so tightly wrapped around you? If you do know the kind, go give one to someone today. If you don’t know the kind, ask someone from Chicago to give you a hug. They’re experts. 

Chicago Christmases thaw me. Even though I live in 70+ degree weather for the rest of the year, the cold and bitter parts of me thaw when I’m home for Christmas. I forget I have a cell phone and I stay in my pj’s.  I eat food that warms my soul and I give hugs to people even when I’m not saying hello or goodbye to them. I embrace them because they’re there and because I can.

This time of year always floods my mind with swirling thoughts of the perfect gift. But I got to thinking this year about presents I can give each day that may not cost me anything. This is more than my grown up Christmas list… it’s my growing-up Christmas list.

I want to meet and greet each person in my life as someone who is able to teach me something marvelous. Regardless of their age, their gender, their position, or their background I want to approach each person that is coming or going with education anticipation. Whether it’s my cousin’s little girls that laugh uncontrollably playing ring around the rosie, my brother’s uncanny sense of humor, or that stranger’s pace of driving… I want to learn more and teach less.

I want to listen even when I disagree or think I have something interesting to add to a conversation. I want to do more than just hear words. I want them to saturate my soul and stretch my mind in ways that break up walls of judgments. I want to ask questions that others may deem awkward or unacceptable because they demand an honest answer. And when I ask those questions, I want the patience to listen.

I want to compile a list of specific moments in each day that I consciously stop and recognize the potential of the present. Coffee house smile from a stranger, unexpected song on the radio, words so rich that they deserved to be written on a sticky note, remembrance of what a wedding band truly stands for... stuff like that.

I want the fruit of my labor to be the fruit of the spirit. I want to be described by oldest friends and perfect strangers as loving, kind, joyful, peaceful, patient, good, faithful and gentle. As unnatural as it may be- steps in the Spirit ensure steps away from myself. And nothing could be sweeter than that.

So if you’re scrambling this 20^th of December to find the perfect gift- remember that sometimes we outgrow those sweaters and yearn for more love instead of more things. But, one thing I will never outgrow is the story of a little boy born in Bethlehem. Who lived and lived perfectly. And loved enough to sacrifice himself so I could one day hold His story more valuable than any Christmas present to come.  And this gift is better than on sale with free shipping. It’s one-size-fits all and comes as instantly as our next breath.

JOY TO THE WORLD!

and merry christmas

mentors

During college at Arizona State I spent a few hours a week volunteering at church. For the most part my job was helping Suzan Brown, the administrative assistant for the college ministry I attended, with whatever work she would not have time to finish; but over the months that I spent there, Suzan became to me much more than the woman who I worked for. Without any intentional asking on my part, Suzan became my mentor. She would take me out to lunch every few weeks, and over our Dilly’s Deli sandwiches she helped me sort out the complexities of my single-twenty-year-old life: “How far is too far in a relationship?” “What qualifies as ‘unequally yoked’?” “How did you know what you wanted to do after college?” “How did you get through the hard stuff?” Suzan had this way of answering my questions without answering them—you know how really wise people just ask you another question that makes you think of the answer to your original question—that always happened when I talked to Suzan. She gracefully taught me more in that season of my life than any other person: that boundaries are ok; that you will not have time for a deep relationship with everyone in your life so you need to pray about pouring yourself fully into a small group of people; that you cannot make judgments about another person because as much as you think you know what they are going through, you don’t; that life will be hard but God will always be good. I have not talked to Suzan in years, but I will forever be grateful that she was a big part of my life for that season.

When I moved to Pennsylvania, I met Kim Sublett. She was the wife of the youth pastor at my church, and I originally met her at youth group staff meetings that took place at her kitchen table. And just like with Suzan, without ever intentionally saying, “I’d like you to mentor me, Kim,” she just became that figure in my life. We started by meeting for coffee whenever both of our schedules allowed it, mostly to talk about youth group stuff and the young teenage girls I was mentoring; but by my last year in grad school, we had the routine down—every Wednesday morning, Starbucks on Garner in State College, same table, same corner, talking about our own lives. Kim was never afraid to be real, whether that meant calling me out or feeling my hurt with me. And during a few month stretch when I felt total confusion in my own life, Kim said to me, “Katie, this is hard. But you have to know that Stacy (Kim’s husband) and I are going to be here to protect you.” Wow. In all of my tears and all of my bewilderment I did not even realize until she offered it that I would need people to protect me, to stand up for me, to speak the truth to me when I was not going to hear it on my own. Just the assurance that I would not be alone gave me peace, and with that peace I finally had new ears to hear God through all the noise I was letting into my life. Kim is the busy mom of five children— two of whom she and Stacy recently adopted—and with the distance between us and hectic schedules we don’t have as much time to talk as we’d like to, but I will forever be grateful that she was a big part of my life for that season.

A few months ago, I was sitting with my friend, Emily, talking about mentors. Emily is a new mom, devoting every ounce of energy she has to her family and trying her best to be the godly wife and mother she is called to be. As we talked about how hard it is to “find” a mentor, Emily said something I will never forget about being a mom: “Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing. I just want someone who has been there to tell me it is going to be ok.” And I think that is what we ALL feel. Whether you are a new mom, a single woman waiting for the right man, a newlywed trying to navigate the first year of marriage, a mom with a child who has walked away from the Lord, a wife who just lost her husband to divorce or death… no matter where we are in life, if we have never been there before we don’t really know what we are doing, and I think everyone wants, and needs, someone to tell us, “It is going to be ok.”

As a mid-twenties girl, getting ready to be a wife soon and thinking about marriage counseling, careers, kids and all the other things life will bring, this is what I am longing for someone who has already been there to tell me:

You won’t always be self-conscious about your looks; one day you will grow to love your body for all it does for you and stop hating it because it will never model bikinis in Paris.

You will disappoint your husband, your kids, your friends and many other people in your life, but they will forgive you. The only people you want to stick around in your life are the ones who will stick around even when they realize you’re not perfect.

You won’t always care so much what other people think; as you get older and grow closer to your Savior, the opinions around you really do start to matter much less and you will stop catering your life to the standards of others.

You will find your way in this world, because you have a God who cares much too deeply about details to forget about you.

You will be ok. The tomb is still empty and nothing else in this life will ever be bigger than that.

I hope I have told the young women in my life the things they have needed to hear during the seasons of their life that they really needed to hear them. And I hope I meet another Suzan or Kim during this season of my life to encourage me with the things I need to hear.

And I hope wherever you are when you read this, you pray for a young woman to have coffee with. Because we need it. We are desperate for what you have to tell us. And we will forever be grateful that you were a part of our lives for a season.

night divine

This time of the year, we are surrounded by the BIGNESS of the Holiday season: Christmas carols, lights, cookies and candy, crowded shopping malls, stockings, cards in the mail, red cups at Starbucks, wrapping paper, spending-more-than-I-wanted guilt, family dinners, and your fill of the colors green, red, and white. And yet amidst the hustle and bustle, there is something about Christmas that gets inside of everyone. Maybe it is the sales, maybe it is the excitement of receiving a gift you have been waiting for, maybe it is even the days off of work and school; but for everyone, something about this time of year stirs up the child-like anticipation in each of us.

But what I am still learning and trying to grasp is that the BIGNESS of the Holiday season is much more than I can fit in a gift box or put on my credit card. The bigness is an event that changed the course of history. The bigness made an unborn baby leap inside his mother’s womb; it caused kings and empires to shudder in fear; it fulfilled hundreds of prophecies to the letter and caused wise men to throw off all their other plans until they found it—until they found him (read Matthew 1-2 for the whole story).

The BIGNESS was a baby, and his name was Jesus. The hope of the world, the One humankind had been waiting for, born as a vulnerable baby in the humblest of circumstances, stirring hope in some and rebellion in others, but stirring something in all who heard about him. This was a big, big night, the night the Savior of the world arrived.

I spend far too much time budgeting my money for gifts and decorating trees than I do letting the HOPE of this night fill my heart. God’s plan for the redemption of the world through his son, Jesus, began on this glorious night in Bethlehem. Why are we all not leaping for joy at that truth alone?

I love presents and decorations, but I want everything I do as part of the Holiday season to be an extension of the joy of this baby that I cannot keep inside. I want to give gifts because I have already been given the only gift I will ever need. I want to really listen to the words of some of the songs relegated to the category of Christmas carol but dripping with true theology. I want to feel goose-bumps on my arms every time I see a manger scene because I know it represents something so much cooler than decorations. I want to smile at the woman behind the store counter who says “Happy Holidays” and say back “Yes, it is a HAPPY holiday!”

My favorite song this time of year is “O Holy Night.” Hundreds of big-name singers put out their own rendition of this classic and never even realize the power of the message they are singing:

Oh holy night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear SAVIOR’S birth…
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
‘Til HE appeard, and the soul felt it’s worth…

Fall on your knees, oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine, oh night, when Christ was born…

Oh night divine!

The world was lost in sin and pain and confusion and struggle and question, until baby Jesus came, and brought worth and meaning back to everyone. May that make each one of us fall on our knees in gratitude and humility. May it make us all sing in celebration with the angels. May it make us party with new purpose this Christmas.

This baby on this night changed everything.

It was indeed a divine night.

beauty and the beast

Last week, caught in the middle of an unseasonably cold Arizona evening, I walked into my church. Scottsdale Bible Church has become homey and inviting- like churches do with equal amounts of time and divine appointments. The service I sat through was as refreshing and unexpected as the crisp pop in the November air.

As I sat in my seat watching men, women and children- one after another- share their stories and take a literal plunge to be baptized I thought about the beauty that comes from all things new. A new promise, a new hope, a new life in Christ. Baptism shouts from the rooftops what we formerly were afraid to whisper in isolation: I’m alive in grace, in love, in truth and I want to let you know about it. In the world’s eyes we see a wet rat with baggy clothes and runny makeup, but God’s view is different. He sees a clear vision of his most prized possession, his masterpiece, dripping wet with the love he abundantly pours over us.

Later in the service I noticed a woman sitting in the row in front of me. Her four little children accompanied her. Beautiful, well behaved, respectful- the kind of kids that make mommyhood seem a little less scary. As this woman smiled at her kids, I spotted wrinkles on her face that were deep, ingrained and habitual. These smile wrinkles were like grooves of countless memories painted with joy and laughter that had undoubtedly carried her through a life worth living. The world would take one look at these tiny crevasses and label them the result of a neglected skin routine, but the Living God sees these wrinkles and is filled with joy. In fact, I’ll bet God- in His infinite wisdom- has some wicked smile wrinkles of his own.

I went home that night, washed my face and dabbed my towel around my own smile wrinkles. I thought of the thousands upon thousands of smiles I have lived through and couldn’t help but smile again. I serve a God who loves beauty. He created it. All you have to do is experience baptism Sunday or Arizona at sunset to believe that. But there’s a beast on the other side. This beast has us warped on what beauty truly is and to be quite honest… I’m over it. I’m over the beastly evil in this world that claims we must conform in order to be loved, honored or happy. And I’m ready to embrace the authentic beauty of our maker that transforms us daily to be more like him and his original, masterful creation.

It’s a tale as old as time, tune as old as song, but I’m sitting here today more aware of beauty and the beast. They’re two sides, in constant opposition. And today, I choose God and his everlasting beauty.

Romans 12:2 says:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, perfect and pleasing will.”