all caught up

I just got off the phone with one of the nearest and dearest friends I will ever have. I had started a couple different blog posts in the past couple weeks, but none of them felt authentic in the way writing should, poignant in the way words can be, or timely in the way God is a part of it. This post is authentic, poignant and timely because it’s what I’m living, thinking, breathing as I type.

So here it goes. I don’t know where you’re at in the world or where you’re at with God but there is something he taught me that he might just want to re-teach you tonight.

Due to the fact that I have moved a couple times and because there are several friends of mine that have moved as well, there are relationships that have to be nurtured despite lengthy distance. It takes time, effort and supernatural skills in scheduling to keep a relationship growing and thriving at a distance. Often, I find myself on the line with a great friend playing catch up to how her job is going, what she did for her birthday, and maybe (if there’s time) what God has been teaching her lately. As badly as I wish there was a way I could do life with her, know the ins and outs of her daily triumphs, and be there to pray in person at each mishap, I just can’t. But it’s okay.

If a long-distance friend would've called me tonight and asked about each aspect of my life (my job, my husband, being close to my family) all of those answers would be ‘great!’ There just happens to be numerous circumstances in my life that are each, simultaneously, going well. It’s a great season. New? To be sure. Exciting? To say the least, but great- all in all.

But fortunately, the phone call tonight wasn’t from a long-distance friend. She was as present in spirit and in love as anybody ever has been. After asking me how things were going, I found myself answering by traveling down several different rabbit trails that eventually led to her asking even more questions, more probing, with more effort to try and understand.

And that’s when I said it out loud. I feel distant from God and I’m treating him like a long-distant friend. It finally hit me that I had been approaching God as if I was playing catch up. I wasn’t spending enough time with him. I wasn’t listening. My prayers were half-hearted. And I was dishing out empty promises that somehow put me back even further in the catch-up line.

God doesn’t play catch up. And he doesn’t need us to either. He’s been that friend doing life with me, experiencing the ins and outs of my daily triumphs, and wishing I’d pray about each mishap. He knows what’s new with me and here’s the crazy part- there’s nothing new with him. He’s the same. He’s still present. He’s still powerful. He’s still perfect. He’s still God.

He’s been quietly waiting, patiently hoping that I’d realize there’s no catching up to do. There’s not enough Bible verses to read, devotions to ponder, deep conversations to have, or church to attend to make myself more presentable in the eyes of my God.  Right where I am is the closest I could ever be. And it feels good to be all caught up. 

really full

Alex and I have been married almost three months, and being married to my best friend has been wonderful and fun and full of laughter and newness and… absolutely nothing that I expected it to be.  Call me traditional, but as a new bride the things I was most excited for included folding Alex’s clothes, making dinners for us to sit down and eat together, watching SportsCenter as part of our nightly routine, and sending him out the door in the morning with a lunch full of his favorites. 

In 3 months I have cooked maybe a dozen times.  The last date we went on was during our 4-day honeymoon.   Last week the laundry was so bad that as I was getting ready in the morning I said in very frustrated tone (as if it was his fault), “Babe, I need a bra!” And proceeded to dig through the blue laundry basket until I found one.  Yeah, that happened.  Full time work and an extra busy month, full time school, book club, men’s group… like all of you, our lives have been incredibly, at times overwhelmingly, full.     

And Tuesday, I felt a whole lot of empty. 

I had not been to my bible study group in five weeks.  Five full weeks— sans the one week the girls picked up the group and brought it to me because they are just that great.  And Tuesday, the first day I actually could go in over month, I really didn’t want to.  I was battling a cold and feeling sluggish (read: lazy) and didn’t really want to make the drive and…yada yada yada.  So I decided not to go… and that lasted a few minutes before I decided I HAD to go.  Well, by the end of the night I was crying—I think it was part exhaustion, part emotional release, and part guilt about being a really poor wife and friend as of late.  I said I felt spent, totally empty, and that I just wanted to rest.  {The ironic part is that I said this to a group of moms who 1) they know “spent” and 2) they fix things.  And these girls got awesome.}

Before leaving, not only did they not make me feel silly for being overwhelmed, they offered to cook a few meals I can leave in my freezer so that on really busy days Alex and I can just take one out, heat it up and spend time together.  WOW.  I really thought meal deliveries only applied when you have just had a baby or are taking care of a sick family member or some other huge life event.  But when you are part of the body of Christ, stressful seasons of life totally count as a huge life event, and that is pretty amazing.   

I should mention that my mini-meltdown is probably the smallest thing going on in all the lives of this group.  There are working moms, wives, students, wanting /expecting/wondering about/not super interested in/can’t wait for another baby moms.  There are six marriages in this group that are made up of a dozen sinful, selfish people.  There are financial issues and stewardship concerns.  There are doctor appointments and realtor appointments and job interviews.  And there are casseroles for the overwhelmed girl. 

Jesus came that we might have life, and feel really full of hope and joy and gratitude in that life.  But it is absurd to think we can manufacture that fullness all the time on our own.  We’ll get stressed or over-extended or jealous or hormonal or a million other things, but at some point we will all empty ourselves out.  All it took was hot tea with honey and the promise of a good meal to help fill me back up.  Simple, sincere, just what I did not know I needed but so badly did.

Today, I am extra grateful for women who are committed to filling one another up.  One day I hope to return the favor.  I want the world to see women who love Jesus and say, “They are loving their husband, raising kids, working in a hospital, running a business, opening their home, driving in the carpool, writing a book, praying for each other, and every so often they even go to the gym (kidding).  But they are FULL.  I want some of that.” 

B.O.C.O.D.  Body of Christ on Display. 

The thief comes to kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10