a writer's block prayer

Stuck. Lost. More or less. For the past three years, whether I was writing my thesis or sharing my thoughts with my journal, Starbucks has been my dependable partner-in-writing. I have never had trouble focusing here above the background music, the buzz of blenders, or the many side conversations going on around me. Today, I am half way in to my second iced coffee of the morning, and despite my best efforts at focusing, my striving for some sort of clarity to leave my mind and come onto the page, I cannot seem to get the words I want. Usually when we write a blog entry, there is a point to it, at the very least a theme. I’ve got nothing right now. I am distracted and disturbed, and I am thinking that after more than two hours, I should probably stop trying to be profound and just start praying for the things I cannot get off of my mind, random and jumbled as they are…

Holy, perfect, good and loving Father,You see into my heart and mind right now, and you know all the things that are bouncing like a pin-ball around and around. Maybe I am distracted for a reason this morning. Maybe you are not going to let me walk through the world I live in every day and ignore how much you are missing in it anymore. Maybe I should thank you for the way my heart is so burdened right now. Maybe this, right in this moment, is what it feels like for my heart to be broken like yours…

God, I pray for the three young girls sitting at the table next to me right now. I have no idea who they are, I don’t know their names or where they are from. All I know is that for the past hour they have gone from arguing to gossiping to sharing the joys and pitfalls of their junior year of high school, and I have tears in my eyes. They should not be dealing with all that they are, they should not have the baggage that they do, they will carry the weight of their choices forever and they don’t have any idea what that will mean.

I pray for our government, the people you have put in the position of power and the people who make the decisions that shape our lives. After spending a weekend with some of these men and women learning about the complexities of what they do every day, the tension between living their faith and living their “party ideals,” and the enormity of governing a society and world that is fallen, I am overwhelmed thinking of how much we need you—we are desperate for a savior.

I pray for the vulnerable souls in every corner of the world. I know that tonight some child will go to sleep hungry; some young girl will be forced to bed with a man she does not know; some father will take his own life; some young mother will watch her newborn die in her arms; some family will be broken by dishonesty; some homeless woman will fall asleep under the stupor of alcohol… and I feel helpless to do a thing about any of this. The more I know, the more responsible I feel—but God, I don’t know what to do next, and I am asking you to show me.

I pray for my friends, the ones I am close to and the ones far away. Each season of life brings new challenges, and with all of my heart I want to be there for the people I love in those challenges. But I can’t go to Arizona right now, I can’t have two young kids and know how hard it is, I can’t pretend I know what it is like to lose my father, I can’t be there like I want to be. So Lord, help me to let go of the illusion that anything depends on me. None of this depends on me. You are Yaweh Yireh, “the Lord who provides,” and you were long before I got to this world, you will be long after I leave.

Lord, if I got a glimpse today of how difficult it is for you to see your children daily turn their back to the purest love we will ever know, thank you. If you are allowing me to feel in a deeper way than I have ever felt before, thank you. If I can be some small part of putting something broken back together, I just ask that you would show me. If being distracted by the things I tend to not think twice about reminds me to cling to you, I want more of them. And my wonderful Father, may the most genuine cry of my heart be to know Christ and Him crucified.