tossed upside-down

I studied history in college. Beyond the obvious appeal of the professors- whom all seemed to be pushing eighty, hard of hearing and resembling that of Santa Claus, I loved history because it examined people. Choices, responses, tactics, and feelings of some of the most interesting men and women to have walked this earth, each of whom were my constant muse of study. People like me, only with fewer gadgets, more structured dress and unquestionably longer walks. History is fascinating to the sad few of us that find the past something to draw from, ponder about and even, dare I say, learn from? 

I don’t read nearly as much as I read in college of these figures from our humanity’s past, but I do make it a regular routine to learn from one man who walked the earth in utter brilliance. Jesus. The main character of a book found in practically every hotel room and translated in more tongues than Gene Simmons has kissed.  Brutal graphic, I know. I must admit that I read the Bible some, not ever enough and often without the reverence of what it is, what it’s worth and what it’s ultimately capable of.  It was time for me to approach these written words with the knowledge and proof that they actually happened. It was time for me feel the confusion Mary faced when approached with the impossible task in front of her, it was time to process what my first thought would be when my friend, born blind, could see- though blurry- through tears of joy because an unknown thirty-something man had healed him with his spit-covered hands, it was time for me feel the crunch of the sand at the bottom of the Red Sea, damp and cool from the massive amounts of water that towered above me. It was time for me to think of Jesus as someone more than the main character of the greatest story ever told. It was time for me to study him in what he said and picture walking with him long enough to see if my response matched that of the confused disciples, or even worse, the condemning Pharisees. It was time to validate this book as a gift, wrapped up in ancient history and tied together by the unexplainable, unimaginable breath of God. 

The study of this man, and the unthinkable things he said has tossed me upside down as of late. If you’re a common visitor of this blog (bless you, by the way), you might have picked up on a common thread in my tapestry of entries in the recent months. If that thread had a name it would be called ‘the world’ and if that thread had a color, it would most likely be black. I have been struck and churning over the wicked this world can put off. And until recently, I was perfectly fine blaming the unanswered questions, the negative news reports, and the slime-ball type people on the brutality of this world.

Here’s the tossed upside down part: When I study Jesus, he teaches me things. The same words that I’ve had memorized since the early ages of adolescence pop off the page with a punch that makes my head spin. And here’s what Jesus taught me last week…

I’m the problem. It’s not the world, the bad guys, the dark corners, the government, or even the Chicago White Sox, Kristin Stockfisch is the problem. And in the most tender way, the words of Jesus captured my heart in the form of Mark 7 and convicted me as the ring-leader of the blame game. I’ve been tirelessly blaming this world around me for the pride, selfishness, slander, deceit and wicked ways, when really, the root of every malicious issue takes birth and resides in me. And in you. Instead of viewing myself in this world as a basically good creature brought down by dirtier, self-glorifying men and women, I am an active participant in the problem. Because “it’s what comes out of person that defiles them. It is from within, out of person’s heart… (Mark 7:20)” Words like theft, malice, greed, and arrogance are at rest within us. And that’s what makes this world so crazy. It’s not the stadium that’s rotten, it’s the players of the game.

And that realization on a slow-patterned Saturday morning at the start of February on my L-shaped couch made the sweet taste of grace all the more delectable. Jesus continues to save my battered heart day in and day out. His selflessness and humility makes new of my selfish, pride-plastered heart. I am thankful today and in such rest that his one act of love covered the countless ways I regrettably love myself.

So at the launch of twenty twelve I invested in two things. A new Bible and 12 sharpened, colored pencils. I’m studying this book of history. Gleaning insight from this fascinating man, and marking up the pages in a frenzy of thought. Study this book. Be a student of this man named Jesus, and I promise as you’re tossed upside down, the very words will leave you right where you need to be.