really full

Alex and I have been married almost three months, and being married to my best friend has been wonderful and fun and full of laughter and newness and… absolutely nothing that I expected it to be.  Call me traditional, but as a new bride the things I was most excited for included folding Alex’s clothes, making dinners for us to sit down and eat together, watching SportsCenter as part of our nightly routine, and sending him out the door in the morning with a lunch full of his favorites. 

In 3 months I have cooked maybe a dozen times.  The last date we went on was during our 4-day honeymoon.   Last week the laundry was so bad that as I was getting ready in the morning I said in very frustrated tone (as if it was his fault), “Babe, I need a bra!” And proceeded to dig through the blue laundry basket until I found one.  Yeah, that happened.  Full time work and an extra busy month, full time school, book club, men’s group… like all of you, our lives have been incredibly, at times overwhelmingly, full.     

And Tuesday, I felt a whole lot of empty. 

I had not been to my bible study group in five weeks.  Five full weeks— sans the one week the girls picked up the group and brought it to me because they are just that great.  And Tuesday, the first day I actually could go in over month, I really didn’t want to.  I was battling a cold and feeling sluggish (read: lazy) and didn’t really want to make the drive and…yada yada yada.  So I decided not to go… and that lasted a few minutes before I decided I HAD to go.  Well, by the end of the night I was crying—I think it was part exhaustion, part emotional release, and part guilt about being a really poor wife and friend as of late.  I said I felt spent, totally empty, and that I just wanted to rest.  {The ironic part is that I said this to a group of moms who 1) they know “spent” and 2) they fix things.  And these girls got awesome.}

Before leaving, not only did they not make me feel silly for being overwhelmed, they offered to cook a few meals I can leave in my freezer so that on really busy days Alex and I can just take one out, heat it up and spend time together.  WOW.  I really thought meal deliveries only applied when you have just had a baby or are taking care of a sick family member or some other huge life event.  But when you are part of the body of Christ, stressful seasons of life totally count as a huge life event, and that is pretty amazing.   

I should mention that my mini-meltdown is probably the smallest thing going on in all the lives of this group.  There are working moms, wives, students, wanting /expecting/wondering about/not super interested in/can’t wait for another baby moms.  There are six marriages in this group that are made up of a dozen sinful, selfish people.  There are financial issues and stewardship concerns.  There are doctor appointments and realtor appointments and job interviews.  And there are casseroles for the overwhelmed girl. 

Jesus came that we might have life, and feel really full of hope and joy and gratitude in that life.  But it is absurd to think we can manufacture that fullness all the time on our own.  We’ll get stressed or over-extended or jealous or hormonal or a million other things, but at some point we will all empty ourselves out.  All it took was hot tea with honey and the promise of a good meal to help fill me back up.  Simple, sincere, just what I did not know I needed but so badly did.

Today, I am extra grateful for women who are committed to filling one another up.  One day I hope to return the favor.  I want the world to see women who love Jesus and say, “They are loving their husband, raising kids, working in a hospital, running a business, opening their home, driving in the carpool, writing a book, praying for each other, and every so often they even go to the gym (kidding).  But they are FULL.  I want some of that.” 

B.O.C.O.D.  Body of Christ on Display. 

The thief comes to kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10