Score Keepers

I love Scrabble.  Maybe it is because I was an English major and I love words, maybe it is because I could almost always beat my mom when we played, and maybe it is simply because of the combination of brain power and creativity it takes to win.  Or, it could very well be that I am just a nerd.  But I’ll take a round of Scrabble over any other game any day of the week.

Scrabble is a game that needs very precise score keeping.  If the designated “keeper of the score” is not paying attention, not marking down every letter accurately, well, then all of the work your mind has done to draw up every possible word for the letters E-W-E-O-R-N-H  is all for naught.  Stingy scorekeepers, that works for Scrabble and every other board game.

But there’s a place that keeping score just does not work: life.

We live in a culture that disagrees, a culture that tells you coming out on top—with the most money, the best clothes, the kids with the most accomplishments, the finest things and the nicest home—will make you matter.  Those things are supposed to fill your soul and allow you to sleep well at night.  There are supposed to get you friends, status, and security.  They don’t.

We also are told that we “deserve” the best.  We are advised that if friends don’t call us back they are not good people and not worth our time.  And (particularly if you are a female), we tend to only remember the times that we have done something nice, left a message, sent a letter, wrote on someone’s facebook wall, or was the last person to send the text.  And by standing our ground and not being the nice one anymore, we believe we have taught the person on the other end of the relationship a lesson about being a good friend, and that we will feel better about our boundaries.  We won’t.

The most debilitating seasons of my life have been heavily monitored by my internal score keeping.  A friend got engaged and I did not: one point for them.  Another friend is pregnant and I am not: two points for them.  That woman over there is tall and thin and I am not: point against Katie.  A friend from college is volunteering in an orphanage for a year: definitely a three point advantage for the extra-spiritual part.  And the woman over there, she can cook, for goodness sake!  I am way behind at this point.

And, the most bitter and prideful moments of my life also happen when I am knee deep in the “score.”  I know I left the last message, I’m not calling her again until she calls me.  I have written her notes for months, it is her turn… and on and on it goes.  (I am so incredibly guilty of this, if you only knew!)  We all keep score of something—it is our way of feeling ok about who we are, the natural justification of ourselves we all do.

And then, we look at the Cross.

That man, that perfect man who hung there, he erased the score.  He said “You cannot possibly win, you cannot possibly earn what I offer you, you cannot create on your own a meaningful life, and you cannot manufacture a soul fulfilled.”  That’s Jesus.  He has never been interested in the score.  (If he was, we would all be in trouble, because he’s totally winning).  He has only ever wanted our hearts.  We can bring him a list of all the nice things we have done for our friends, he would tell us to throw it away.  We can show him our home and the nice boat we just bought, he would remind us of the woman who gave 2 pennies and stole his heart in the process*.  We can bring our framed diplomas, our bank account statements, and we can come dressed in our finest clothes as we present it all to Him, and I think he would tell us that the man who paved the way for Jesus’ ministry was practically naked and lived in the forest* (and I can’t imagine he knew how to cook much).  Jesus wants our love and devotion, not our lists of good deeds, our resumes, or our things.

I know that one of the biggest hills I am climbing in my walk with the Lord is this very thing—this tendency to keep the score.  But when I think about the only perfect man who ever lived, the only man who ever had the right to keep score, and I remember that he didn’t, I am brought to my knees in humility.  God gives us great things to take care of: homes, cars, children, friendships… but they are His things, on loan to us and in our care until the time He chooses to take them back.  We are not to compare them, judge them, make them our identity or be prideful because of them.  We have no ground to stand on when we keep score.

All we can say is “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.”*

Score keeping is for golf, soccer, football, volleyball, and Scrabble.  It is not for life.  It does not bring us closer to the heart of God, it get us N-O-W-H-E-R-E.  Let’s drop the score, and count only the love spilling out of our hearts because of the fact that the cross gave us all the points we will ever need. 

*Mark 12:41-44
*Matthew 3:3-5
*Job 1:21