mentors

During college at Arizona State I spent a few hours a week volunteering at church. For the most part my job was helping Suzan Brown, the administrative assistant for the college ministry I attended, with whatever work she would not have time to finish; but over the months that I spent there, Suzan became to me much more than the woman who I worked for. Without any intentional asking on my part, Suzan became my mentor. She would take me out to lunch every few weeks, and over our Dilly’s Deli sandwiches she helped me sort out the complexities of my single-twenty-year-old life: “How far is too far in a relationship?” “What qualifies as ‘unequally yoked’?” “How did you know what you wanted to do after college?” “How did you get through the hard stuff?” Suzan had this way of answering my questions without answering them—you know how really wise people just ask you another question that makes you think of the answer to your original question—that always happened when I talked to Suzan. She gracefully taught me more in that season of my life than any other person: that boundaries are ok; that you will not have time for a deep relationship with everyone in your life so you need to pray about pouring yourself fully into a small group of people; that you cannot make judgments about another person because as much as you think you know what they are going through, you don’t; that life will be hard but God will always be good. I have not talked to Suzan in years, but I will forever be grateful that she was a big part of my life for that season.

When I moved to Pennsylvania, I met Kim Sublett. She was the wife of the youth pastor at my church, and I originally met her at youth group staff meetings that took place at her kitchen table. And just like with Suzan, without ever intentionally saying, “I’d like you to mentor me, Kim,” she just became that figure in my life. We started by meeting for coffee whenever both of our schedules allowed it, mostly to talk about youth group stuff and the young teenage girls I was mentoring; but by my last year in grad school, we had the routine down—every Wednesday morning, Starbucks on Garner in State College, same table, same corner, talking about our own lives. Kim was never afraid to be real, whether that meant calling me out or feeling my hurt with me. And during a few month stretch when I felt total confusion in my own life, Kim said to me, “Katie, this is hard. But you have to know that Stacy (Kim’s husband) and I are going to be here to protect you.” Wow. In all of my tears and all of my bewilderment I did not even realize until she offered it that I would need people to protect me, to stand up for me, to speak the truth to me when I was not going to hear it on my own. Just the assurance that I would not be alone gave me peace, and with that peace I finally had new ears to hear God through all the noise I was letting into my life. Kim is the busy mom of five children— two of whom she and Stacy recently adopted—and with the distance between us and hectic schedules we don’t have as much time to talk as we’d like to, but I will forever be grateful that she was a big part of my life for that season.

A few months ago, I was sitting with my friend, Emily, talking about mentors. Emily is a new mom, devoting every ounce of energy she has to her family and trying her best to be the godly wife and mother she is called to be. As we talked about how hard it is to “find” a mentor, Emily said something I will never forget about being a mom: “Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing. I just want someone who has been there to tell me it is going to be ok.” And I think that is what we ALL feel. Whether you are a new mom, a single woman waiting for the right man, a newlywed trying to navigate the first year of marriage, a mom with a child who has walked away from the Lord, a wife who just lost her husband to divorce or death… no matter where we are in life, if we have never been there before we don’t really know what we are doing, and I think everyone wants, and needs, someone to tell us, “It is going to be ok.”

As a mid-twenties girl, getting ready to be a wife soon and thinking about marriage counseling, careers, kids and all the other things life will bring, this is what I am longing for someone who has already been there to tell me:

You won’t always be self-conscious about your looks; one day you will grow to love your body for all it does for you and stop hating it because it will never model bikinis in Paris.

You will disappoint your husband, your kids, your friends and many other people in your life, but they will forgive you. The only people you want to stick around in your life are the ones who will stick around even when they realize you’re not perfect.

You won’t always care so much what other people think; as you get older and grow closer to your Savior, the opinions around you really do start to matter much less and you will stop catering your life to the standards of others.

You will find your way in this world, because you have a God who cares much too deeply about details to forget about you.

You will be ok. The tomb is still empty and nothing else in this life will ever be bigger than that.

I hope I have told the young women in my life the things they have needed to hear during the seasons of their life that they really needed to hear them. And I hope I meet another Suzan or Kim during this season of my life to encourage me with the things I need to hear.

And I hope wherever you are when you read this, you pray for a young woman to have coffee with. Because we need it. We are desperate for what you have to tell us. And we will forever be grateful that you were a part of our lives for a season.