a fruit-full life

Is what I am doing today a reflection of who I really want to be tomorrow?

My small group asked this question of one another last week, and it still sits at the front of my mind every day.  There are dozens of things that will happen to all of us on a daily basis that we have no control over, we can only react and respond and hope that we do so with grace.  But punctuating our days are a hundred choices that we do get to make, small ways that we determine by our decisions what our day might look like.  We are co-creators of the story of our lives, and that is a beautiful thing.

If I want my life to be characterized by humility and gratitude, I will recognize the amazing gifts around me each day… the sunshine, the amazing blue of my niece’s eyes, the letters from friends, the clean clothes I put on, the books on my coffee table, my husband’s smile.  Too often I see the agenda for the day and make a beeline towards accomplishing each and every task listed.  But the pace of fruitful gratitude is much slower than the obsession with the means and ends I easily get caught up in. 

If I want to be a woman confident in her faith, I will really study and know it.  I’ll have conversations about things that matter and I will engage the hard questions with people who want to do the same. 

If I want to be a better friend, I will really pray for you.  I won’t merely tell you I am and then go on with my day, I’ll care about your hurt or your longing like I would if it was mine.  And when I really walk with you in prayer, I can really celebrate with you when it is answered, or cry with you when it is not.  But either way, I’m with you because we need each other, and between me and you it is only authentic, only honest, only grace. 

If I want to be a faithful wife, a better mom, a dedicated teacher, a strong athlete or anything else tomorrow, I’ll do things differently today.  I’ll make a hundred choices that reflect those desires, and then I’ll do the hard thing… I’ll let them go and remember that becoming that elusive woman of God is not about my striving but about my understanding grace.  It is the hardest thing in the world to walk that paradox but such a relief to know we are not doing so alone.   

I do not pretend to be a theologian nor an expert on the sovereignty or will of God.  I don’t want to debate Arminianism and Calvinism and I have no idea if bad things happened because God is punishing us, disciplining us, or just because bad things happen.  But I do know that God is just and good, and that He wants all of us… and every day I make decisions that reflect whether or not I really believe those things.  It gets harder to do that all the time, as our worlds grow bigger—and sometimes scarier— with dollars and houses and properties and new things and new kids and new cars and new friends.  But at the end of the day, we all get to decide who we truly want to be, and we all have the chance to do the hard, messy, grace-filled work of living in to that person.  We were created to live lives that bear fruit—not for ourselves but for Him, the One whose life was given for us… that is a privilege I don’t want to miss.