weakness

It’s 2011. It’s new. It’s polished. It’s still so shiny. The new year brings some of us a burst of anticipation for what’s to come. It brings others the giant relief that the past year is, well, the past. And for some of us it brings new commitment, motivation, and drive to be the person we want to be… doing the things we want to do… driving the car we want to drive into the fairy tale sunset of ‘the land of could be.’ What could be: If we only got stronger, tried harder, woke earlier, ate healthier, or accomplished faster. What could be?

As I thought and thought about what I would resolve to do in 2011, I compiled a list in my head of mindless mumbo jumbo that would surely make me more put together in the year to come. As the list grew I realized I was entering the new year already defeated and even a bit behind schedule.

Then it hit me.  The years in my life that I had grown, matured and flourished the most were not the years that the pieces of my life fell perfectly into place like a Tetris game. They were my weakest, most vulnerable times. Days of open wounds, beaten dreams, and injured pride generated the most intense growth spurts. (That’s actually why I’m so tall.)

So what if in 2011, I resolved to be weaker? Hear me out for a second. God promises us that it is only when we are weak that His matchless power can be perfected in us. So in other words, the power it took to part seas, heal the sick, and rise from the dead is accessible to ME- but only when I realize how completely frail and incapable I truly am to face this world alone.

This may seem completely unlikely and perhaps even impossible because of how much weakness has been driven into us as a bad thing. We study the weaknesses of opponents- hoping to expose their inabilities to give us victory, in the midst of an interview we always will give a longer list of strengths than weakness because, well, we actually want the job,  and when it comes to our short comings and moments of complete vulnerability- we hide- in great fear that if someone were to discover our genuine powerlessness we’d be sunk. 

But here’s the thing- Jesus doesn’t sink. He actually prefers to walk on water. And I am living proof that hardest, most testing times allow me to see his movement more clearly. Like a spiritual windshield coated with the dust of trying too hard, eventually the storm comes and washes away layers of false perfection to reveal my true self and a clear perspective on who God is. And in a strange way, I long for those moments. I long to try less so I can see more of God. And I long to acknowledge my weakness so I can have more strength than the veiny guy at the gym.  

I am so weak. And will continue to be this whole year. It may be the easiest resolution to keep! But I resolve to acknowledge that weakness, time and time again to ensure I can face this year as my strongest self- with the unthinkable and untouchable power of God within me.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says:

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”